Trying to Pee as a Mom

When you’re a mom, a lot of things change in your life. Some of them are major – and you can find books on them, reach out to mommy support groups online and inevitably will receive a ton of “advice” from even your most distant cousin who is now a complete “mommy expert”.

And then you’ll have these other life changes. I like to call these the “why the HELL did no one warn me about this crap” changes.

Image result for mom shrug confused

These include, but are not limited to:
-having to reheat your coffee a million times
-never catching up on laundry
-asking yourself how you ever lived without baby wipes
-exactly how much your boobs will hurt when your milk comes in
-once a baby is mobile, they are lightening fast.
-and baby proofing is a joke, most of them just go for the dog food and/or water.

In my most recent Mommy Adventure, I tried to use the bathroom alone (insert hysterical laughter here) and it didn’t work out they way I wanted or needed but let me set the stage for you…

First let me begin with it is “shark week” -aka my period. And I have never been a tampon girl, so pads it is. I have a great routine for getting in the bathroom, cleaning what needs to be cleaned and going on about my day. And after 17+ years, I’ve gotten pretty good, and quick, about it. Now lets throw in 6 years and 4 kids later and we bring you to today.

It had been a long morning of running around for errands, car stuff, and groceries. I hadn’t be able to pee since about 11:30am and the time was now 3:20pm so I really needed to go. My youngest and the only one still in diapers, had just pooped and wasn’t the most thrilled. You see, the kids have been passing around this stomach bug that brings nothing but diarrhea and now, my little chubby one year old had it. But nonetheless, I HAD TO PEE!

I tell my other kids to put away their school stuff, change their clothes, and then I’ll make them lunch. I put down baby boy (boy #2) and run to the bathroom. He instantly started to cry, but I knew I only needed 3 mins tops so he could wait.

The minute- no, the second I sit down and throw away my pad, in busts in boy #1 asking for a fruit roll up he didn’t eat at school… followed by daughter #2 asking for the same thing (sigh) I tell them- “give me just a min and ill be right out.” HA! They got back and forth about how they just need it right now and right before I scream my head off,  I say screw it and open the damn fruit roll up. First one is done and then like clockwork- Boy #2 comes in crying is little heart out because A: he was looking for me, and B: he really hates being in a poopy diaper (I mean who wouldn’t)
So- I have one kid screaming for a snack, the other flaunting their already opened snack and a baby crying. I say screw it again, I already had the baby wipes in my bathroom so I ask daughter #2 to grab me diaper and I lay boy #2 on the floor and start to change him. I clean him up, slap on a new diaper and he walks out happy and ready to play. I open the last fruit roll up and then Boy #1 walks out with he big sis.

I close and lock the door… sigh…. Im still sitting on the toilet.


And here is where you understand the real reason bathroom doors have locks on them … for Moms.

** For those of you who ask- well why didn’t you lock it in the first place, as a mom you never want to leave your kids unattended but if you do, I need to make sure I can here them at all times.. I have to leave the door open due to our bedroom being in the back of the house.  I finally closed and locked it because they were still in my room eating their snacks.

It’s not your birthday

We have four kids.  Which means four birthdays, four cakes, four gifts and four family parties.  Okay well I’ve been a little lazy and have our one year old’s with our eleven year old’s and our middle man (who just turned 3) never really had a party.  Until this year- we just went out to dinner can have him a cupcake.  
But me defending my small parties is what this is about.  You seen with our four children, three of them all have their birthdays within a month of each other.  Two in July and one early August. Our other kid (lovebug) has her birthday in April.  She’s our rainbow baby and her brother before her (who was born just a little too early) was due in August.  So I guess you could say my “get lucky” time is normally a Christmas present 😂 

Anyway- she’s 5 now and his year was probably the hardest.  You see at five, she understands it’s not her birthday, she understands she’s not getting any presents.  But that doesn’t make seeing your other three siblings get parties, cake and gifts all with out you any easier.  She hasn’t complained or even cried about it really, she’s been really good about it…. but we see it.  She’s a little bit heartbroken.  Not about not getting presents, but just feeling left out of the crowd.  The odd man out of you will. 

So what do we do? Well I’m not just going to buy her presents, it’s not her birthday and as a family of six, each kids gets one (or two if it’s small) birthday gifts. Just buying her a present will tell the other kids- hey do we get one in April??  We don’t feed into it either, we don’t want her to feel worse- she’s five! She’s still learning how to deal with all those emotions and she’s a cryer- like hard core- I’m not setting off that bomb. No way!  

So this year- being the first with all theee having birthdays- I made her my helper… she helped pick out presents, and when I went to the store for birthday stuff, I took her with me.  I let her hold the list and she handed to receipt to the man at Sams.  And when it came time to celebrate- she felt kind of like us, like the inside man- and she got excited when they would wake up and get their gift and normally a balloon 🤦🏻‍♀️(side note- I literally do not life balloons but kids being kids, they love them, so when it’s bday time, I give in and my husband goes nuts ) see example A: 🙄

Anyway- we just finished out last birthday for this year, and I can finally say- it was great!  This year we celebrated 11,5,3,and 1! Will this little plan/hack work next year?? Who knows- but it worked this year and that’s good enough for me. Besides- at 830 in the morning, right after we sang happy birthday and gave her brother his present, she looks up and daddy and says

“Okay so now- we have Halloween, turkey day, Christmas, and then it’s MY Birthday! I’m going to be 6- I want a unicorn 🦄! ”

So this should be fun- I should mention that both of our birthdays come before her, but I can stay 30 for a few more years so it’s cool 😎 

Cheers 🍻 

Being Sick

Being sick sucks.  As a toddler, you don’t know whats going on with your body, and there isn’t really much mommy and daddy can do for you as giving Nyquil to a 3 year old is frowned upon.  Most of the time you are sleepy one day and full of energy the next day and don’t quite understand why you can’t just play with green snot running down your whole face.  As you get a little older, you learn the tricks of the trade and how to score some major sympathy points from good ol mom and dad (mostly dad).  They get you the extra blanket, the hot coco or tea and let you watch every movie under the sun.  When you are a young adult, things tend to get a little rough (especially if you are moved out of the nest) as you find taking care of yourself is zero percent fun, but even so- if the parentals are close by, they will take the open opportunity to baby you once more.  Then, when you get married- you quickly learn that the cold effects you each differently, some may even say the other is a bit more whinny… (but who are we to judge, ha!) – Still you have each other and you take care of one another, doing little special things like buying a king size candy bar.

Then you have children…

Then you realize as a mom.. you can’t be sick.

Like seriously- you CANNOT GET SICK.

The world as you know will fall apart.  Okay maybe not that bad, but still.  When everyone in the house is down with a fever, coughing their lungs out, or throwing up last nights dinner- you- oh mighty mom- have to tough it out and take care of the troops.  And yes- that includes your biggest baby (the one you married)  Look- My husband is a tough guy.  He works hard, provides for all of us and still comes home after long hours and plays with the kids.  He’s the BEST dad.  But even him- my rock, my knight in shinning armor, can be the biggest baby ever if he gets sicks.  And normally- this happens when the sickness has gotten to me.  I’ve been overdosing on dayquil and still managing to take care of the kids with their colds, the house, school drop off and pick ups, shopping and worst of all… laundry.  (side note- why does it seem laundry doubles overnight when the house is sick? I need answers) And at they end of the day, when he comes home, you go to toss him the baby so you can take one more dose of dayquil and sit for a minute or two- you hear, “oh I can’t hold him, I think I’m sick- my throat feels scratchy.  I’m going to go take a shower real quick.”   These are the times I wonder why I haven’t killed him….


And yet- we prevail… as Moms we push forward and beat that colds ass.  We get the kids healthy and back to school, we cleanse the whole house and wipe out every germ.  We make that well deserved up of coffee, sit down to just let out that big sigh of “hell yea”


And then someone coughs…

Hello Parents!

I have been thinking about starting a blog for some time now.  The biggest problem is I never seem to have the time to do it.  So I started small… I made my self a twitter account just for when those #momlife moments happen, I can type them out and share them…. So far, its been fun and as my kiddos a getting a little bigger and a little more independent- I find myself having a few extra mins, as opposed to seconds.  Now I could take this time to use the bathroom in peace, but since I’m already use to my bathroom groupies, I’ll use this extra found time to start writing…. I think I’ll begin now..