Trying to Pee as a Mom

When you’re a mom, a lot of things change in your life. Some of them are major – and you can find books on them, reach out to mommy support groups online and inevitably will receive a ton of “advice” from even your most distant cousin who is now a complete “mommy expert”.

And then you’ll have these other life changes. I like to call these the “why the HELL did no one warn me about this crap” changes.

Image result for mom shrug confused

These include, but are not limited to:
-having to reheat your coffee a million times
-never catching up on laundry
-asking yourself how you ever lived without baby wipes
-exactly how much your boobs will hurt when your milk comes in
-once a baby is mobile, they are lightening fast.
-and baby proofing is a joke, most of them just go for the dog food and/or water.

In my most recent Mommy Adventure, I tried to use the bathroom alone (insert hysterical laughter here) and it didn’t work out they way I wanted or needed but let me set the stage for you…

First let me begin with it is “shark week” -aka my period. And I have never been a tampon girl, so pads it is. I have a great routine for getting in the bathroom, cleaning what needs to be cleaned and going on about my day. And after 17+ years, I’ve gotten pretty good, and quick, about it. Now lets throw in 6 years and 4 kids later and we bring you to today.

It had been a long morning of running around for errands, car stuff, and groceries. I hadn’t be able to pee since about 11:30am and the time was now 3:20pm so I really needed to go. My youngest and the only one still in diapers, had just pooped and wasn’t the most thrilled. You see, the kids have been passing around this stomach bug that brings nothing but diarrhea and now, my little chubby one year old had it. But nonetheless, I HAD TO PEE!

I tell my other kids to put away their school stuff, change their clothes, and then I’ll make them lunch. I put down baby boy (boy #2) and run to the bathroom. He instantly started to cry, but I knew I only needed 3 mins tops so he could wait.

The minute- no, the second I sit down and throw away my pad, in busts in boy #1 asking for a fruit roll up he didn’t eat at school… followed by daughter #2 asking for the same thing (sigh) I tell them- “give me just a min and ill be right out.” HA! They got back and forth about how they just need it right now and right before I scream my head off,  I say screw it and open the damn fruit roll up. First one is done and then like clockwork- Boy #2 comes in crying is little heart out because A: he was looking for me, and B: he really hates being in a poopy diaper (I mean who wouldn’t)
So- I have one kid screaming for a snack, the other flaunting their already opened snack and a baby crying. I say screw it again, I already had the baby wipes in my bathroom so I ask daughter #2 to grab me diaper and I lay boy #2 on the floor and start to change him. I clean him up, slap on a new diaper and he walks out happy and ready to play. I open the last fruit roll up and then Boy #1 walks out with he big sis.

I close and lock the door… sigh…. Im still sitting on the toilet.


And here is where you understand the real reason bathroom doors have locks on them … for Moms.

** For those of you who ask- well why didn’t you lock it in the first place, as a mom you never want to leave your kids unattended but if you do, I need to make sure I can here them at all times.. I have to leave the door open due to our bedroom being in the back of the house.  I finally closed and locked it because they were still in my room eating their snacks.

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